Living On Purpose: Finding Meaning in a Superficial World

I have always struggled with the age-old question:

“What is the meaning of life?”

Which is a pretty steep question, one that literally no one has the undisputed answer to. But, for me, this question translates to another question:

“What is my purpose?”

Until recently, I was never able to figure it out. I always thought I was halfway good at lots of things, but never really good at 1 thing. That's how I looked at purpose. Some predisposition you always had that just clicked in your brain as soon as you were ready to live a meaningful life. I thought it would just... appear. I didn't realize how ridiculous I was being or how much work finding purpose would actually be. Especially when you consider all the things that compete for our attention in the day to day. Life is one big distraction. As a mom of 1 who works from home, my day always looked something like this:

·      Wake up too late.

·      Crawl out of bed and make coffee.

·      Sit on my phone while I drink my coffee.

·      Get my toddler out of bed.

·      Struggle to eat, shower, and get ready for the day… because I have a toddler that could double as a raccoon... (she's the best, but dang).

·      Open my laptop and begin working about an hour too late.

·      Eat something easy for lunch, usually some sort of chips or crackers.

·      Keep working.

·      Finish work, realize that I’m running on 2 cups of coffee, 3 sips of water, and a box of Wheat Thins (love those things).

·      Eat everything in sight.

·      Wait for my husband to get home so I can pass off the raccoon.

·      Cook dinner.

·      Eat dinner while watching TV.

·      Put our baby to bed.

·      Watch more TV.

·      Sit on my phone.

·      Go to bed entirely too late.

·      Repeat.

If you can relate, then I have some questions for you. These are the questions that I found myself repeating in my head after each day came to an end:

What did I even do today?

Did I just go through the motions, AGAIN?

Why can’t I change?

Am I proud of today?

…

Why not?

For me, the answers to these questions lead me to this conclusion:

I wasn’t living right.

Not in the moral sense (not saying I’m perfect, or anything), but in the sense that every single day, I wasn’t fulfilling my potential. I was living without purpose. I was just… existing. Day. After day. After day. Why? What was standing between me and the life that God had intended for me to live?

My fear. And my pain.

Fear is the natural enemy of progress. Of positive change. I, like most of you, have experienced fear that immobilized me, controlled me, told me I couldn’t do what I wanted to do, told me I would fail, told me I would never be happy. That I didn’t deserve to be happy. And pain. Pain that confirmed my fears, pain that showed me what would happen if I dared to hope and dream.

Then, I experienced fear and pain like I never had before.

In July of 2024, I had a miscarriage. My husband and I were both shocked to be pregnant so soon after we agreed that it was time to try for baby #2. Our 8-week appointment neared, and I found myself struggling with my emotions. I didn’t feel as happy as the first time. I was nervous to be pregnant again because of how miserable I was during my first pregnancy. I was worried that I would gain "too much" weight, and this pregnancy would leave my body even more unrecognizable than the first. I was scared, and still couldn’t quite wrap my head around a 2nd child. But as we were driving down the highway on the way to our 8-week appointment, I looked at my husband and said, “Now we can start getting excited. I think when we see our baby on that screen, this will all sink in and seem real.”

And then we got to the appointment. The doctor came in and started the ultrasound, and I heard words that I didn’t even think to fear. Words I never thought would be spoken to me:

“This is not a viable pregnancy. There’s no fetal pull. Just an empty gestational sac and fluid.”

But then, a sliver of hope. Maybe we weren’t as far along as we thought. Maybe they just couldn’t see the baby yet. We cried. I prayed, more fervently than I ever have before, for God to save the life inside me. But 2 weeks later, I miscarried at home. And I was broken. And in the midst of my brokenness, in the midst of my despair, I realized 2 things:

·      I was only successful at life if I felt like I was in control.

·      I was denying myself present-day happiness because I didn’t think I deserved it.

And then the strangest thing happened.

After years of being held captive by my pain, the greatest pain I’ve ever experienced allowed me to see the chains I had shackled myself with. And I found the strength to drag those chains all the way to the throne of God, and He cast them all off. My pain showed me my weakness, and in my weakness, I found freedom to be weak, to be imperfect. I realized that nothing, absolutely nothing, was in my control. A few weeks earlier, that thought alone terrified me, but amidst this pain, it was the greatest relief I’d ever experienced.

Then, and only then, was I able to look at the day-to-day differently. I saw that I was robbing myself of joy because, in truth, I hated myself and I didn’t think I deserved it. I had made too many mistakes, I wasn’t healthy enough, I wasn’t thin enough, I wasn’t successful enough, I wasn't good enough. I was stuck in this loop of, “if I have x, then I will be happy.” When my baby was stolen from me, I finally realized that anything I could ever want in life would never satisfy my search for more. That the joy we experience here on Earth is fleeting, and when I place my happiness in my circumstances, I will always be disappointed, it will always fall short. So, I am learning to find my joy and purpose in the Lord. And, I am learning to allow myself to be joyful NOW, because that joy is not promised tomorrow, so why not live in it today?

That’s why I’m here, writing to you from my kitchen table in a small town in Oklahoma. I have found purpose through pain, and I want you to know you are not alone. You are unique. Whatever you’ve walked through, great or small, contributes to your story. You are unique, but pain is not. We all experience pain, and we can choose to use that pain, or allow it to abuse us. I don't know about you, but I'm tired of abusing myself.

I have decided that I am going to fulfill my potential, my purpose, every day. I will wake up ready to serve the Kingdom and its people, I will be the person I am meant to be, the mother my daughter deserves, the wife my husband needs, the sister that supports, the friend that always has an encouraging word.

And I have discovered, after years of searching for an answer, what my purpose is. I am here to help you fulfill your purpose. Whether it’s through encouragement or instruction, I have been put on this Earth to help as many people as I can find the thing they were meant to do and empower them to DO IT. Because if I can do it, if I can crawl out of the hole I had put myself in, then I promise that you can too.

Together, we can Live On Purpose, whatever that means to you. If that’s not allowing yourself to be distracted for hours a day by social media, if it means getting in shape so you can play with your children, learning to love yourself and the life you have when it doesn’t line up with the life you want, taking that first, scary step into a new career, or any other catalyst that propels you into living a greater life, living your life On Purpose, then I will be here to support you. To remind you of who you are, and who you are meant to be, even if those 2 people aren’t the same yet. I’m still not who I’m meant to be, but every article I write, every person I can inspire, turns me into that person. So, my promise to you is this:

I will be here. I will continue to Live On Purpose, in hopes that one day, you can, too.

So, what's the meaning of life?

I don't know, but I can't wait to find out. Let's do it together.

Your Friend,

Ieysha